The Gift of Counseling

If you have become aware of the need to seek outside help for yourself or a family member, you may be intimidated by the seemingly high cost of seeking personal counseling. In these times of economic stress, when all but our most immediate needs can be put on the back burner for lack of funds or the desire to save for a rainy day, the issue of cost becomes even more pertinent.  However, much as leaving a cavity unfilled can later become a larger problem, perhaps even requiring a root canal, emotional issues left unresolved can grow into a situation requiring more extensive (and expensive) intervention. It’s often wiser to meet the problem head-on while still in the early stages.  If the early stages have passed, there are still ways to get this help without losing your retirement savings. Some simple strategies can help you pay for the help while getting a bang for your buck.

To find out what counseling would cost you, the first place to start looking is your health insurance policy. Mental health benefits are provided by most major insurance companies. Your policy should tell you what benefits you have, and give you an idea of your out-of-pocket costs. Next you want to call your insurance company and get a list of counseling providers in your area. Much like doctors, you will probably pay less by going to a mental health professional who is “in-network” for your insurance company. While you are on the phone, it’s also a good idea to verify your benefits with an actual person.

Let’s say your insurance does not pay for counseling, or worse yet, have lost your job and insurance with it. Have courage! Many agencies have a sliding fee scale. You can get this information by calling your local Community Mental Health office. If you would rather seek out a specific therapist by referral or reputation, call their office and ask to speak briefly with the therapist on the phone before setting up an appointment. While on the phone, find out about any special fee rates they might offer. In fact, call a few different counselors to get an idea of who you think you might want to see, before paying a dime. Often the counselor who is the “best fit” for you can also be the most cost-effective, even if their fees are not discounted.

Continuing this proactive approach once you begin counseling can also result in significant cost savings, and ultimately make counseling affordable. For instance, go prepared for your first visit having thought about the specific information you want to share and the goals you would like to accomplish. Ask if the therapist assigns “homework” outside of the therapy hour. Doing recommended assignments can often shorten the course of treatment. Ask if you can call your therapist for a brief consult between sessions. Go prepared for every session, having thought through what you would like to share about the time in between sessions. In other words, make the most use of the time that you are paying for, and the fees….well, they won’t magically disappear, but you’ll certainly be getting your money’s worth.

This holiday season, consider giving the gift of counseling to yourself or a family member. Remember counseling could be the gift of a lifetime, or maybe even the gift of life itself.  In many cities the Chamber of Commerce sells gift certificates for use at local member businesses. Call you local Chamber of Commerce to see if gift certificates are available for the practice where you want to seek help.

The Reality of Student Stress

 Student stress is real and Saline Area School has been taking new initiatives to attend to it. A second community Screening of Race to Nowhere was held in Saline on Thursday December 1^st.
 

What do a Saline High School Climate Assessment, a Saline High School leadership retreat, and the film Race to Nowhere have in common? All of these seek to identify and find answers to a growing concern about student stress. Plus, all three events have happened in Saline recently. It is also of significance that all three have been sponsored by Saline Area Schools, which in addition to the goal of academic excellence is also taking a genuine interest in the overall well-being of its students.

The SHS climate assessment was completed in February 2011, via 8 focus groups of a cross section of SHS students and 2 trained facilitators from Still Waters Counseling. The results were delivered in April 2011 to the School Board. Students at SHS indeed feel a great deal of stress in many areas – academic, social, and personal. They want the school to be a warmer place, with more personal connections, and to have more adults they can turn to for help. This is a tall order, given the current economic climate and funding cuts from the state. Nevertheless, Saline Schools has responded to the needs expressed.

The Saline High School Leadership Retreat was held on November 17^th - a powerful event for the Saline community. Approximately 40 high schoolers, from several different student groups, got together at Liberty Media Center and attended a dynamic workshop on Servant Leadership. This was followed by discussion of common high school scenarios generated by students themselves. The topics were derived from a desire to seriously discuss bullying, stereotyping, and intolerance in any shape or form at the high school, and come away with specific ways to address them. To make the school one where every student feels safe and respected is a difficult challenge, yet this would be one step closer to reducing a major source of stress in high school. Student leaders at the Nov 17^th retreat seemed glad to embrace this task.

A brand new CDC study reporting on teen sleeping habits shows that 70% of high school students do not get at least eight hours of sleep on school nights. This statistic will probably not surprise any of the students at Saline High School, or any parent of a student at SHS. Between academics, extra-curriculars and part-time jobs, where is the time for 8 hours of sleep a night? Alarmingly, however, this new study also shows that teens with poor sleep habits are likely to take other risks associated with their health like consuming alcohol, using marijuana and tobacco products, and exhibiting poor eating habits. Now maybe those teens that sleep less are also the ones who would have engaged in negative behaviors anyway, but it does make sense that these negative habits could be a result of having to cope with a lot of stress.  

So should we be paying attention to the degree of stress students feel? Let’s consider these statistics: approximately 1 in 12 adolescents, ages 12 to 17, will experience a major depressive episode (SAMHSA, 2008). Moreover, almost 17 percent of high school students have seriously considered suicide, 16.5% have made suicide plans, and 8.5% had tried to kill themselves at least once (CDC, 2003). The film Race to Nowhere, screened once already at Saline High School, clearly depicts the link between stress and negative coping behaviors. A second screening is being held on December 1^st at Saline Middle School. A community discussion will follow. I say, yes, let’s pay attention to what our students are saying, let’s pay attention to student stress, and let’s all pay attention to our students’ needs – parents, teachers, administrators, and community members alike.

Student Stress: What Drives it and What can be Done

The film Race to Nowhere was screened at our very own Saline High School last night (October 13th). As a parent and as a psychologist who practices in Saline I felt this was a very significant event in the Saline Community. The film talks about the experiences of (primarily) school age children across the country and the stress they experience as they get into higher grades, and especially into high school. University educators, high school teachers, students, parents, psychologists all provide unique perspectives.

We have known about student stress for a long time. None of this is really new information. The power of the screening, however, is in bringing communities together to start this discussion, and this is what started to happen last night at Saline High School.

In a powerful exchange, one student in the film talks about how parents should not use the word “and” when a student is describing their accomplishments. For instance, “I’m getting straight A’s,” “and?” “I’m on the soccer team,” “and?” “I’m in National Honor Society,” “and?” “I’m in the marching band,” “and?”… The word “and” added on to the end of each accomplishment, basically diminishes the sense of accomplishment, and makes the student feel that they need to do more and more to “win the race.”

I would like to add that the words “but” and “should” also need to be avoided in a conversation with a school age child. When a child reaches out to a parent (or anyone else), all too often we start to minimize their feelings and offer solutions, saying things like “but think about it this way...” or “you should just....”

As some of the astute students pointed out last night, many are reluctant to talk about their stress and some don’t engage in this conversation at all, hiding it even from themselves. When our child does muster up the courage to come and talk with us, are we truly listening? If you find yourself using words like “but” and “should,” the answer is, probably not. Being listened to and heard is what many students really need. And, if you child or student is not speaking with you about the stress they are experiencing, don’t be afraid to initiate this conversation yourself.

As a parent, I know it is difficult. Our family has not been without struggles and we have, many a time, found ourselves being caught up in the race. As pointed out by a doctor from Philadelphia’s Children’s Hospital in the film, despite being an expert and even having written books about it, he struggles not to pressure his child constantly to achieve more and more. Even when we know the right thing to do, often it is hard to do the right thing. That is why I feel it essential that the discussion on student stress not end with last night’s screening of Race to Nowhere.

If you are a student, parent, educator, or simply a concerned community member, there are many ways you can become part of this conversation and keep it going. You can join a group like STRIVE (Students Re-investing in a Valuable Education) that brought this film to Saline High. You can join a group like Saline Alive (the Saline Area Schools Community Mental Health Committee) that highlights issues of stress, anxiety, and depression. You can also come to School Board meetings and speak about this issue. You can write to the local media and ask them to highlight this issue. You can organize another screening of Race to Nowhere in the community and invite others to come. If you live in a community other than Saline, you can talk with your school administrators about screening this film. The issue is complex and no one group or individual can come up with the answers. Action steps need to be thought out and implemented cohesively in order to have a real impact. Please do our students a favor and do not allow this discussion to end with last night’s screening. In the words of Styx, “don’t let it end this way”….

Getting to Know the Elephant

In the last post the Elephant was a metophor used to describe our emotional side, or our feelings, that can motivate yet so easily overwhelm us. Focusing is an elegant way to befriend the elephant - to learn about it, and moreover, to use it for our benefit. This post was contributed by Focusing instructor, Joya D'Cruz. Here it is:

We are affected in small or big ways by every single experience we have.  We incorporate what we learn and transform constantly… most often unconsciously.  Sometimes we find ourselves in some form of discomfort or dissatisfaction. This could manifest in a physical or emotional way; it may affect our relationships or our work.  We are unable to access what we need to be happy or free. We may need to let go of a habit or an ineffective interactional pattern. We may long for help in a particular life situation or to ‘unblock’ a creative process. We may be suffering from the shadow of guilt, anger or grief. In all these instances, we just do not know HOW to do what we want to.

Focusing is a gentle and powerful way to listen to yourself, to access that ‘knowing’ and to find the inner resources to go where your life is leading you. Through the guidance of a Focusing trainer, you can engage with yourself and your issues and even realize the particular kind of help you need without merely following what the media, recent research, professionals, and loved ones suggest for you.  Practicing Focusing can feel like developing an emotional muscle, an inner sensor, or an intimate relationship with yourself.

When we adults maintain this connection to ourselves, we are better able to listen to our children’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, to what they say and to what they have no words for. Through simple suggestions and the use of language we can help them to develop their ability to know themselves better and to engage with their emotions through this inner body-sense in effective ways.  An organic change in behavior often arises when children learn to listen inwardly. In teaching children how to access their own resources, we not only give them the most reliable life tools, but we have an easier and more rewarding  experience as parents, educators and guides. 

For more information on Focusing see www.focusing.org

Or for Focusing with Children

http://www.focusing.org/chfc/index.html

If you wish to contact Joya for information or sessions on Focusing please do so at dcruzjoya@gmail.com

The Elephant and the Rider

Most of us can relate to the idea that our brain has two independent systems – the emotional one and the rational one. If you have ever overslept, overworked, eaten too much, skipped your exercise (or not started your exercise program at all), become angry and said something you later regretted, become depressed because your best friend said something very small but negative about you, tried to quit drinking and failed, or experienced any one of a million such scenarios, you have experienced a war of the rational and emotional systems (and lost to the emotional side). Jonathan Haidt, a University of Virginia psychologist, aptly names these two aspects the Elephant and the Rider.

To understand better what this analogy implies, visualize what Haidt describes as a 6-ton elephant, with a tiny rider sitting on top holding the reins and trying to guide the elephant. The rider tries to direct the elephant, but if the elephant decides otherwise, the battle is easily lost. On the other hand, if the elephant and rider agree on a direction, it makes for a very smooth ride. The elephant does indeed have strengths, often motivating and providing the energy needed to move in a certain direction. The question is, how does one keep the elephant from going off the path, or worse yet, completely taking over the rider.

“Clocky” is a tongue-in-cheek solution that an enterprising MIT student came up with – a clock that has wheels and runs away from you after the alarm goes off in the mornings, forcing you to run after it in order to turn it off. The elephant (your desire to sleep) is tamed by a tiny device (the clock) because it forces you to climb out of bed, waking yourself up in the process! Now the rider has a fighting chance to be in charge for the rest of your morning. Many of us, however, don't have or can't afford a clocky (at 50 bucks apiece) and have to come up with other creative devices to deal with our inner elephants.

A simple (not necessarily easy) way is to practicing taming your ANT's (Automatic Negative Thoughts). Imagine for instance, that you have started feeling a pain in your tooth. One way the elephant takes over is for you to start going, “oh my gosh, there must be something wrong, I must have a cavity, I'm going to need a filling or maybe a root canal...oh my GOSH...THAT”S GOING TO HURT, and HOW MUCH IS THAT GOING TO COST.” The pain gets worse, of course! Suddenly (in all of 2 seconds) your rider has fallen off, and he elephant has taken over. Contrast this with taking a second to observe...”hmmm.. my tooth hurts...wonder what that could be...” You may still conclude that you have a cavity, but in those few moments of self observation and non-reactivity, you have given your rider a fighting chance. Perhaps a new series of thoughts will emerge (I could take something for the pain and then call the dentist), or perhaps the pain will subside in a few minutes... and you can go on with the rest of your day. It takes practice, but yes, taming an ANT can help tame an Elephant.

More to come on Elephant and Rider scenarios and fixes...

What is Therapy? Musings from India

As I sit in a hospital room with my dad, having traveled several thousand miles to get here so that I can be here with him through his surgical journey, I find myself having a lot of time to think. Strangely, one of the things I find myself thinking about is therapy. I thought I had left my therapist self behind when I boarded the plane to come here – but one of the strange paradoxes of travel is that you can never leave yourself, or even a part of yourself, behind. Wherever you go, there you are!

So, being in a hospital, and hearing the word “therapy” or “treatment” getting thrown around a lot, I start to wonder – what exactly is therapy, and what exactly is it that I do? It is a simple question that I have been asked innumerable times, perfectly innocently, by many a friend or acquaintance, “So, what do you do?” It occurs to me that the reason I dread answering this question is because there is no simple answer.

Therapy is many things to many people. It is a place to talk to someone objective. It is a place people hope to find relief from their problems, and get some answers from someone they deem an “expert.” It is a place to vent safely. I believe therapy is all these things and more. But, in my musings, one thing stands out. Therapy is a space created by therapist and client, where one can be heard, but more importantly, one can hear oneself.

I do believe there is some benefit to be gained by going to someone who is “expert” at creating this type of space. There is also the benefit of going to a professional who is trained to provide a more objective and comprehensive, point of view. We all have our blind spots. Sometimes a therapist will give “homework” that can be incredibly helpful (if done). However, I believe that an essential component of that “therapy hour” is the space that is created for a client to hear their own voice and get in touch with their inner wisdom.

This space that is co-created by therapist and client is a dynamic space, where many possibilities exist. For a couple facing challenges in their relationship, this could provide an opportunity for dialogue that was not possible before. For others, the therapy space can simply help access the quiet space within, where problems can be reframed and unique solutions to situations can be found.

Alas, I have still not found a simple answer to the question, “so, what exactly is it that you do?” but in reflecting, I believe I have hit upon what it is that makes psychotherapy a unique way of finding solutions to our problems.

Meditation and Mental Health

Meditation. Many ideas and opinions exist about this ancient, mind altering, self-healing practice. It is often dismissed as that  “new age stuff,” or “that mystical stuff from the East (that you read about in Eat Pray Love).” 

In common parlance it may also be known as “hocus pocus.” This was the attitude of one our meditation group members, when she first decided to attend a group. She was not going to fall for it, but because she didn’t want to say no to her therapist, she came anyway. Much to her surprise it worked! Much like the 10 million Americans who meditate regularly, she came to recognize and value the benefits of this stress-relieving practice.

One of the things this group member has learned is that meditation can be practiced in a variety of ways. It does not necessarily involve sitting in a cross-legged position for hours on end, observing your breath in hopes of fleetingly experiencing that “aha” moment. Even 10 minutes of mindfulness meditation a day can make a difference. Moreover, there are also other, more active, techniques such as candle concentration, walking meditation, energy work, and guided visualizations.

This year, in our meditation series, we learned and practiced many such techniques. You get a lot of “bang for your buck” (by practicing these techniques) as one group member is fond of saying. While that may sound like crass commercialization of an ancient mystical practice, in my mind it does not reduce the value of meditation at all. All it means is that we can learn to use these techniques in a way that can be incorporated into our daily lives, and by doing so we can gain unique skills that do not require a large amount of time to practice. The regular use of meditation techniques can not only help in reducing anxiety and improving mood, but also reduce the negative effects that stress has on the body. Beyond stress reduction, multiple positive effects have been documented such as enhanced immune functioning, increased alertness, greater creativity, and enhanced empathy.

Next year’s plans for a meditation group are in the works. There are several options, including another series (4-6 group meetings), a day long retreat, a week long retreat (in India), and ongoing meetings to continue support and encouragement for each other’s meditation practice. Tell us of your interest and what might suit your lifestyle. What if the hocus pocus really is what it’s all about…